This year has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I don't really love roller coasters much. I ride them when people convince me of it, but I don't really love it until the very end. When you go over that last little hill and see the 'finish line' I am finally brave enough to throw my hands in the air and say, "That was fun, no big deal."
I am going over that last little hill right now with the school year. Getting ready to throw my hands up in the air and say "That was fun, let's do it again." ....after a long summer please.
I am feeling much better since my last post. I feel like I am making progress again, on the road to being a decent teacher. I have so many great hopes, visions and ideas for next year I'm bursting at the seams to talk about them and get started researching and planning and putting together. The newness of a new year is so exciting to me. It's not scary and anxiety ridden like standing in line for the roller coaster is for me. That's how this year started for me and I should have known going into it, it was going to be a full blown roller coaster ride. I was given an overload, I didn't want to do it really, but I did because I knew it was needed and I was a good person for the job. On top of that I had a couple new courses that I was teaching which always add to the workload. Despite the warnings I received from some colleagues, I hoped on that roller coaster and I held on tight for the first 18 weeks. I survived, I knew I would and I have got some fun stories to share. I appreciate being on land again, standing on my own two feet, having a prep, not being pulled in different directions every second.
Next year, I feel it's going to be a water park tube slide. I love tube slides. Climbing the stairs with anticipation of hopping in that tube. Once you get the tube in the water there are a few awkward maneuvers everyone has to make to get into that tube, but once you are in and settled, oh let the fun begin!
This summer is climbing those stairs. It's a big slide, so there are lots of stairs to climb, but when you are climbing stairs to something so fun and exciting, you don't even notice your quads are burning. I have lots on my summer to do list for planning next year, but I am so excited about it, it's not even going to seem like work.
The first day of school is always a little awkward to me, I am never good at the first day of school. I don't want to come across as some jerk who doesn't like kids and I don't want to come across as some girl who wants to be their best friend. I struggle every year with the awkwardness of meeting my students on the first day. Not sure if they notice, but I always feel it. They aren't comfortable yet, so they don't laugh at my awesome well-timed jokes and I don't know their names yet, so it's just a room full of strangers and I don't really like meeting new people. Odd profession to choose for someone who doesn't like meeting new people....it's not really that I don't like meeting new people, it's more that I'm shy and am very uncomfortable meeting new people. I'm a giant so I'm always very self-consious about the way I come across to people.
Anyway, that part is like the climbing into the tube before the fun begins. Once I can get past that first day, hop in the tube, it's smooth sailing and fun from there!
I'm feeling good again about my teaching career. I'm not a complete failure as a teacher as I was feeling the last couple of weeks. The light is at the end of the tunnel and I'm saying it wasn't a bad ride. I'm pumped to do it again next year, so let's get off this roller coaster and head to the water park!
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Monday, May 19, 2014
Count Down to Reboot
10 more days.
I love school, but this year, I am counting down. It's painful to be in countdown mode. It's not as fun, it's frustrating to know you still have more days. It's disappointing to know you are counting down. I hope that it doesn't show to my students as much as it feels as though it does.
This year has been a busy year. Overload for a semester is painful. No prep hours for the past 17 weeks. Lots of at home work, extra early before and extra late after school work. I'm just plain tired.
I am so ready for summer for a number of reasons. I need a bit of a boost, so I'm going to write myself a list of things that summer will allow me to spend time on:
1. My girls. I am a teacher at a school, yes, but more importantly to me, I am a teacher at home to my two beautiful girls, ages 5 and almost 2. We will get to spend all of June and July together, no daycare, no schedule, just fun.
2. Gearing up for next year. I have so many awesome ideas that I just need time to get them going:
new modeling projects for my college modeling class, new reflective assessments for my algebra classes, new course material to create for my basic modeling class, new course material for my advanced programming course, sprucing up the intro to programming curriculum. Oh, I am so ready to have time to dedicate to these projects that are currently random post-it notes all over my desk and iPad.
3. Grad school research. That doesn't sound fun to everyone, I'm sure, but I am passionate about my research topic and what a great excuse to sit in the sun with my articles and laptop and get my learn on. Reading recent research and finding new ideas rejuvenates me. I'm ready to be rejuvenated.
4. New teachers. We have a new teacher joining our department this year and I am so pumped to work with her and learn from her. She's going to be full of energy and ideas and I cannot wait to feed off of that awesomeness.
5. Regrouping. I am ready to regroup. I feel like a pretty lame teacher right now. I know I can and will do better next year. The cards are stacked against me right now, the biggest being time. I just don't have the time I need to create and do the things I really want in my classroom right now. It's so frustrating and I hate feeling mediocre (at best). I have never felt so icky about my teaching as I do right now. I feel like I am just in survival mode. I am a 9th year teacher, survival mode should be a thing of the past. But new classes and too many of them at once has put me here. It's been a great challenge. I have learned that I am excellent at time management and much more efficient than ever thought possible, but the time to create and be creative just aren't there. I thrive off of trying new things, setting up great lessons, etc. I am so pumped for summer to be able to regroup, remind myself what kind of a teacher I really am and gear up for next year. Year 10. It's going to be awesome.
Ahh, I feel better. It surprises me every time I sit down to write a blog how much better I feel when it's done. As a math teacher, I never realized how reflective I am.
Summer...here I come, be ready.
10 days of school left...watch out, I'm going to show you what's up. 10 days. I can do this.
I love school, but this year, I am counting down. It's painful to be in countdown mode. It's not as fun, it's frustrating to know you still have more days. It's disappointing to know you are counting down. I hope that it doesn't show to my students as much as it feels as though it does.
This year has been a busy year. Overload for a semester is painful. No prep hours for the past 17 weeks. Lots of at home work, extra early before and extra late after school work. I'm just plain tired.
I am so ready for summer for a number of reasons. I need a bit of a boost, so I'm going to write myself a list of things that summer will allow me to spend time on:
1. My girls. I am a teacher at a school, yes, but more importantly to me, I am a teacher at home to my two beautiful girls, ages 5 and almost 2. We will get to spend all of June and July together, no daycare, no schedule, just fun.
2. Gearing up for next year. I have so many awesome ideas that I just need time to get them going:
new modeling projects for my college modeling class, new reflective assessments for my algebra classes, new course material to create for my basic modeling class, new course material for my advanced programming course, sprucing up the intro to programming curriculum. Oh, I am so ready to have time to dedicate to these projects that are currently random post-it notes all over my desk and iPad.
3. Grad school research. That doesn't sound fun to everyone, I'm sure, but I am passionate about my research topic and what a great excuse to sit in the sun with my articles and laptop and get my learn on. Reading recent research and finding new ideas rejuvenates me. I'm ready to be rejuvenated.
4. New teachers. We have a new teacher joining our department this year and I am so pumped to work with her and learn from her. She's going to be full of energy and ideas and I cannot wait to feed off of that awesomeness.
5. Regrouping. I am ready to regroup. I feel like a pretty lame teacher right now. I know I can and will do better next year. The cards are stacked against me right now, the biggest being time. I just don't have the time I need to create and do the things I really want in my classroom right now. It's so frustrating and I hate feeling mediocre (at best). I have never felt so icky about my teaching as I do right now. I feel like I am just in survival mode. I am a 9th year teacher, survival mode should be a thing of the past. But new classes and too many of them at once has put me here. It's been a great challenge. I have learned that I am excellent at time management and much more efficient than ever thought possible, but the time to create and be creative just aren't there. I thrive off of trying new things, setting up great lessons, etc. I am so pumped for summer to be able to regroup, remind myself what kind of a teacher I really am and gear up for next year. Year 10. It's going to be awesome.
Ahh, I feel better. It surprises me every time I sit down to write a blog how much better I feel when it's done. As a math teacher, I never realized how reflective I am.
Summer...here I come, be ready.
10 days of school left...watch out, I'm going to show you what's up. 10 days. I can do this.
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